Life begins at 40…

My story began one day in May. The weather was breezy but not cold. I was wearing my vintage pink/purple shirt with the frilly neckline and jeans, and my cute white sneakers. I looked hip and cool. I was 39 at the time, about to turn 40 in a week or so, but I could still look hip and young. I was at a friend’s 25th birthday party.  A 25 year old friend of his (and probably the hottest guy at the party) was chatting with me for quite a while. We talked about music and life and it was just nice to feel connected. We left the party together with another friend of his who was kind of a goofball, and rode the subway into the city. The 2 of them joked about some pop star who I’d never heard of and suddenly their stop had arrived and they got off the train. I didn’t think much of the meeting again till the next day when the hot guy immediately friended me on Facebook. We started chatting online and I suddenly realized that there had been chemistry there. He liked me. In fact, he had expected to go home with me! Naturally, being 15 years older than the guy, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind at all, though I did have an inkling that I liked the guy. I told him that I was shocked because of our age difference. He minimized the age difference and said that age is limiting. It doesn’t matter. But as we conversed, he did ask me whether I was thinking about babies. I said that I was and that I seriously had to think about it because there was a chance I might not be able to have them. We didn’t chat much longer. In fact, we barely chatted again. Within about 3 days he wrote to me and basically said he didn’t want to waste my time.

I was pretty angry and frustrated inside. Here was a guy who I wanted to get to know, but I couldn’t even consider the possibility because of my seeming baby-making incapacity. I had a mini-freak out. But when the dust settled, I realized that although I’m not “desperate” to meet the man of my so-called dreams, my declining fertility was seriously damaging my dating life!  Within minutes of this realization, I was online checking out everything I could find on egg freezing. Within a few days, I had an appointment with Dr. Grifo (who I like to call my egg doctor) at NYU Fertility Center. And now, 2 months later, I have an appointment set to go through a cycle of egg freezing for August…

…which leads me to this blog. I hope to be able to write about my experiences of this egg freezing process and talk about my thoughts and feelings as I go through this process. This is not an outlet for me to talk about my failed relationships and the unenviable position that I sometimes feel that I am in being single and childless at 40. The fact is, I live a charmed life – one where I am able to travel the world frequently, do work that is meaningful to me and helps people, have amazing friends and family, and enjoy my pastimes like writing music. I also live in New York F***ing City. I mean c’mon! I have nothing really to complain about 🙂

This is my story of working to empower myself with an amazing technology. It would be ridiculous of me to NOT take this opportunity when I’m sure millions of women around the world would jump at this opportunity if they had the means to do it. So, I’m taking advantage of the privileges that I have been afforded and hope that others will read this and feel helped and supported in some small way along the way.

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