I stuck myself

I couldn’t sleep all night last night. I was nervous about starting this whole ovarian stimulation process leading up to the egg freeze itself. The clinic opens from 7 till 9 am everyday so I was determined to get there within the first hour. I slept fitfully and awoke at 2 am thinking it must be almost time to wake up, when essentially I had only tossed and turned for a short 3 hours or so. I lay back to sleep and awoke with a start at 6am. I immediately rolled out of bed and onto my meditation cushions for 10 minutes for meditation. I also tried to visualize eggs upon eggs and me holding babies, and struggled to push out work worries or annoyances. I made myself a healthy breakfast of porridge with berries, sunflower seeds, milk and honey, rushed my morning routine and ran out the door.

I got to the clinic and was only 1 of 2 people in the waiting area. I was clearly “early” on this first day. I was taken back for my completion of waiver forms, blood test, payment of a hefty sum to the finance lady, and then back to a room for my ultrasound. Then I was sent on my merry way.

By the early afternoon, I received word about my medication plan for the next few days: 300 Gonal F and 150 Menopur for 4 days and then back to the clinic on Monday for blood work.

All day at work, I was struggling to stay awake. After such a restless sleep and excitement about the injections that lay ahead, I was almost a bit high. A part of me has always been excited by medical procedures. I think at one stage I had wanted to be a nurse. I always knew I wanted to work with patients because of the 4 times in my life that I had spent in hospital for asthma. I was never freaked out by the needles, drips, and oxygen masks. I even remember when I was just a wee thing aged 7 when the drip on my arm went cold. I called out for the nurse and she came over, unwrapped the bandages to reveal my arm completely covered in blood!! Even then it didn’t faze me at all. In fact, the science of it all fascinated me. As long as I *felt* well, I didn’t mind all the needlework! When I felt terrible though, I hated it all of course.

I spent the day also figuring out the best times to inject the meds. I would have to adhere to a rather strict schedule, and naturally for social old me, I was trying to figure out how to work a time around my social plans. I decided upon 7.30 pm and around 7 am as being my “times”.

When I arrived home, I had half an hour before show time so I put the laundry on. At 7.20 pm, I pulled the meds out of the fridge and lay them on my newly cleaned desk. I washed my hands about 5 times as I went back and forth looking for the alcohol swabs, the gauze pads, and the instructional videos online. Finally, the moment was here and all-of-a-sudden, the videos were too fast for me. I thought my Gonal-F pen was broken. I didn’t get why it didn’t pull out more. I seriously tried to pull it till it almost broke! But I stopped myself. Those fuckers are hundreds of dollars! I think I did it right. Yes, I think I measured it right. Then I wiped my belly with alcohol, fanned it dry, stabbed that fucker in there, and injected it. It felt fine! No pain!! Just a bit jabby.

Ok. That was the Gonal-F. Then came the Menopur. Ok, this is when the science experiment kicked in. The instructional videos on NYU’s site feature 2 options. One with needle extraction and one with Q-cap extraction. Luckily I had Q-caps so I went with that, but then it didn’t tell me how to get the fucking needle off the main syringe!! It was easy to figure out, but still. We are concrete people us non-medical types. “Fix the damned video!” I thought. Some extraction of saline and mixing with powder later, I finally injected it into myself. It was a much lengthier process than the Gonal-F for some reason. It just seemed longer. Also, when I removed the needle, blood came out. Yuck! But, I was ok. I survived. Who knows how much of that precious medication went in? I did it. I FUCKING DID IT!

(Readers, please excuse my cursing. I can’t help it.)

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