In my last post, I was seriously PMSing, and by about 10.30 that night, I was surfing a rather massive crimson wave. I wasn’t sure whether that day ought to have been classified as “Day 1” but I resolved to go in to NYU just in case. Meanwhile, I spent the entire night unable to sleep. My issues with my roommate had resolved but I was still very unhappy and churning inside. And, on top of that, I wasn’t sure that I would have enough Menopur to last the weekend. A friend was going to give me her leftovers and although it was being shipped the next day, I was worried it wouldn’t arrive in time. I went to NYU and sure enough, they said that I was right to come in when I did. Any full flow surfing the day before, no matter how late, is considered “Day 1,” despite what one might read all over the interwebs. They took my blood and gave me an ultrasound. A rather messy ultrasound. Sorry. TMI. The doctor said everything looked good to go!
I ventured up to work and muddled my way through the day without accomplishing much. Too much had happened during the week emotionally, and unfortunately, my body carried the weight of that pressure in my throat, my stomach, and my furrowed brow. I waited for my phone call from NYU, and it came around 2.30pm. The nurse outlined for me a protocol of Gonal F (300 IU/day), Menopur (300 IU/day) and Clomid (100 mg/day) for the next 5 days, beginning that evening. She said that my estrogen level was 36 and my FSH 8.5 which are apparently good for stimulation. (They look for estrogen levels below 75 and FSH levels below 13 apparently.)
As the work day mercifully came to a close, I walked briskly to the train with a friend and made my way to my acupuncturist, Dr. Chen. I’m not sure I’ve talked about her here, but she is a very brusque woman from Mainland China. She is cheaper than my previous acupuncturist. The session always begins with a vigorous massage by a Chinese man who sits in the waiting area reading the paper and has a perpetual case of the sniffles (though the massage is more like fast rubbing that generates a lot of heat on the body, which sounds a bit lewd but trust me when I say it’s the opposite of sexy). Then Dr. Chen comes in, feels my stomach and says “No good no good! So many blocks still!! Well, just take a chance, and if it doesn’t work, don’t be frustrated. Ok!??” I just love the Eastern approach :P. No feigned reassurance in Chinese medicine that’s fo’ sho’. Her manner reminds me of my own mother who, when I was growing up, was not always reassuring and always tried to prepare me for failure in my life. Not exactly the way to build confidence, but definitely helped me manage disappointment! So, I tried not to take Dr. Chen’s words personally.
I went home and before I knew it, my friend arrived to go to dinner, so I ended up doing my injections in front of her. She was curious and not freaked out at all as I injected the Gonal-F and then mixed and injected the Menopur. I realized I didn’t need the videos at all. I still remembered how to do it!
Unfortunately, when I went for dinner, I had another negative interaction with my roommate via text and I was completely screwed up again in the head. So today, Day 3, I’m trying so hard not to let my home situation permeate my mental health as I undergo this process. It will just be 2 weeks and then I can focus on moving out.
When I first read about this procedure online, I read about people’s anxieties about injecting themselves with the meds. It turns out that keeping myself physically healthy, mentally calm and being kind to myself are the hardest tasks of all.