Freezing the eggs

During hormone stimulation, I never felt that bad. No mood swings, no apparent weight gain. In fact, both times I underwent hormone stimulation, I kind of felt great. I love playing doctors and nurses with myself and self-administering injections (yes, I’m a weirdo). I’ve always loved hospitals and work in one because I enjoy the feeling of being on the cutting edge of I know not what. The body is an amazing thing and I just think it’s a miracle that we can even *do* all of this crazy shit that was not possible maybe even 5 years ago.

But….then today hit.

It’s one day post-retrieval and the moodiness is hitting me. I have spent the entire day sitting at my computer, eyes glazed over, feeling absolutely shitty.  I want to cry but nothing comes out. I keep imagining other people in my predicament – no man, no prospect of having children – and see them slashing their wrists. Melodramatic? Yes. I won’t do that. Of course I won’t. But I see myself as being a pretty strong individual. I worked to empower myself with this egg retrieval procedure, and upon finding out today that only 4 of the eggs made it to the freeze (3 of which were mature), I was just bummed. Bummed the fuck out. I will be fine. Yes, I will. Tomorrow I will be better. And the day after that even better. I read about some reality show star Diem Brown who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a second time who went through 2 cycles of egg retrieval with Dr. Grifo as well. She also had 4 frozen in her first round, 6 in her second round. She is only about 30. I guess at 40, I’m lucky. Diem Brown is a cancer patient facing not only the loss of her fertility but also the prospect of cancer. I need to remember that. I’m lucky that I’m healthy and that I even have a chance. I’ve given myself this chance.

I’ve decided to go through with a second cycle of egg freezing. I have about 75% of the money together for this and half of the medications. I know I can do it, but it just completely depletes my bank balance. I’ll have almost no cushion to speak of (not that I did before, but ironically, the rearrangement of my finances for the first cycle gave me a cushion for a short while). I will be fine. Money isn’t everything, and that is definitely a mantra I’ve lived by my whole life. I will be fine.

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18 Responses to Freezing the eggs

  1. Cindy says:

    Hang in there! I randomly stumbled upon your blog while I was going through the same process. From my September cycle I have 5 eggs frozen and will start my second cycle late November. At this point I am just hoping to get at least 5 more to freeze. I am 39 by the way. Sendig positive thoughts you way. 🙂

  2. msegg says:

    Thanks Cindy! This process really is quite a rollercoaster….one that I never expected. All the best to you too!!

  3. sandie says:

    Hi, i can’t tell you how much I needed to read your blog this morning. My doctor only found 3 follicles and thinks I should reschedule the treatment. She was surprised bc I’m only 37 and she expected more. I’m going to reschedule to January bc she’s going to put me on the pill. You’re not alone and thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone. I’ll work more on my stress level next time. I thought I did already but I’ll pay more attention to doing things like healthy eating and yoga. thank you again!

    • msegg says:

      Hey Sandie,
      I’m glad that you derived comfort from my blog. I’m about to undertake the process a 2nd time and am on the pill getting ready for it. This time, I’m less worried about my eating. I’ve ODed on sugar all week and care less about my health and more about just being comfortable in my own skin and staying less stressed. I’ve realized that a lot of those measures may not have done that much ultimately. I can’t change what my body wants to do now. But my mental health is really important, so I’m focusing on just *not* worrying about things at the moment. Good luck to you and keep me posted!!

      • Sandie says:

        Thank you so much for replying. I’m going to nyu fertility as well. Maybe i’ll run into you in the office & not even know. I’m not sure if I’ll be on the pill my next cycle as they don’t do any egg harvesting in December. I hope the 2nd time for you is even more successful. i agree with the staying less stressed. I was in shock this morning and thought my life was ending but I’ll pick myself up and dust myself off 🙂

      • msegg says:

        Thanks Sandie!! You’ll be fine. You’re doing the very best you can to take control of your situation, and that’s all you can do. The rest is up to the universe, God, whatever you believe. So, just ride with it and you will be ok.

  4. Kat says:

    Thank you so much for this blog! I’m going to NYU Fertility, too, and will need to wait for the January cycle. Both excited and apprehensive — really glad to be able to read your experience.

  5. msegg says:

    Kat, thanks for your feedback! Good luck to you 🙂

  6. T says:

    msegg, my doctor called me bc my first cycle didn’t go quite as planned & I was unable to freeze my eggs (barely made any). She’s putting me on a stronger protocol (Lupron) with the pill first. Was wondering if your doctor suggested the same thing. Let me know. I wish you the absolute best & thank you for sharing your journey.

  7. msegg says:

    Hey T, my doc is going to put me on microdose Lupron for my next round too. I was going to start this month, but I have to move apartments so will wait till the stress dies down and start a new cycle in February. Good luck to you T and let me know how it goes!

    • T says:

      Thanks Msegg! I’m considering going to Dr. Braverman. He takes my insurance which is helpful with the cost although certainly not all of it. I’m nervous about switching bc I like nyu but I’ll make the decision after my preliminary visit with him. Did nyu give you a discount for your 2nd round? sorry for all the questions. Sometimes I find it easier getting a straight answer from other women than from calling the office. They didn’t have phones for weeks after the hurricane which drove me nuts.

  8. msegg says:

    Hi T, I don’t think I get a discount for the 2nd round. I’m sorry it has been so frustrating for you. I know it was frustrating for NYU as well. They were sitting without electricity calling patients using paper files and then scheduling surgeries for another location. It was a real mess! My procedure is postponed till February because I am moving apartments and couldn’t deal with the additional stress. I think remaining calm through this process is vital.

    Anyway, good luck to you with Dr. Braverman!

  9. T says:

    Thank you! I already don’t know how I feel about Braverman. Had the appointment for weeks and then they called me today to push it from 10am to 12pm. I wouldn’t care except it’s all the way in Long Island so it would mean missing an entire day of work!! They also said the monitoring is usually at 12pm if I decide to do the egg freeze. Are they serious? How can I leave work every day at 12pm without telling my boss the reason! We don’t get lunch breaks at my job. How crazy is it to have to look into all these doctors?? I’m also considering New Hope bc they also take insurance. I may just end up going back to NYU. Your blog has been a wealth of knowledge. Thank you!

    • msegg says:

      I actually like the factory feel of NYU. It’s a system that works and accommodates people’s work schedules. I’m going to go through a 2nd full cycle in February once I move and am glad that NYU will only be a couple of miles away from my home. I’m glad that you’ve found my blog helpful 🙂

      • T says:

        msegg, it’s february! Good luck with your cycle. I decided to go with New Hope instead of Braverman bc of the convenience factor (no stress) and I really really like them so far. They do the flash freezing, as does NYU, and I think that’s very important. Your last story of the guy you met in Greece cracked me up!!!! I’m on the pill right now and will hopefully have the extraction this month. Btw, I’ve been taking the green vitamin (wheat grass) and it ha brought my FSH levels. I’m not sure how much that counts, but it’s something I figured I’d share. xo

      • msegg says:

        Thank you for your kind wishes T! Glad you enjoyed the Greece story 🙂 That’s the distant past now. I’m all focused on recovering from my apt move and work stress now and getting ready for the cycle ahead! Thanks for the tip about wheat grass. How often and how much did you take? Did you take it during your cycle? I might go and get some, though I think my FSH levels were ok. Can’t remember what that is now. Must review own blog!

  10. Chelsea says:

    Hi, I’m doing IVF, PGD at NYU as well…I’ve done 2 cycles so far, the first didn’t produce enough eggs, the second didn’t make it thru PGD. My doctor is putting me on the microdose Lupron cycle next week…I read you had done it as well…how did it work for you?

  11. msegg says:

    Hi Chelsea, actually none of my cycles at NYU went well. In the first completed cycle, they retrieved 3 mature and 1 less mature egg. In the 2nd completed cycle, they retrieved 3 eggs on the microdose Lupron schedule. I’ve cut out and have gone to Dr. Zhang at New Hope. I will update my blog soon about it. I’m taking a minimal stimulation approach as it doesn’t seem to matter what quantity of hormones they pump into me, I still produce exactly the same (small) number. So, I figure, I may as well take it easy on my body and go for 1 to 3 eggs across 3 much cheaper cycles. I think one has to go through the motions to figure out what one’s body will produce. I know mine is a low producer so that’s what helped with my decision (as well as recommendations from readers). Good luck to you!

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