I’ve been to NYU twice in the last 2 days. I still have 2 mature-looking follicles, and now it seems, about 4 or 5 immature ones. Basically, in consultation with the doctors, we’ve decided to go ahead with extraction in a couple of days. We hope that at least a couple of the smaller ones will catch up. It seems like a whole lot of money for very little, but I’ve come to the realization that my body is incapable of more. Any future cycle would probably generate the same approximate number if not less. I’m maxed out on the drugs and there’s no place else to go in terms of trying to improve my response to the regimen. Since I basically paid very little for the medications (90% of it was leftovers from another patient who I know) and that is basically all gone now, I don’t see how I could financially afford another cycle in the near future anyway. So it’s now or never. I’ll shoot myself up with 2 Ovidrel trigger shots tonight.
I spent yesterday freaking out about finding a person to pick me up. This whole process leaves one feeling so alone. I think for many of us going through this egg freeze, it’s due to being single. The feeling of being alone is already heightened, but when one is so single and has no family in this city, let alone country, then the feeling of alone-ness is even greater still. I very quickly found someone though, but not before an hour or so of serious self-pity.
In the midst of all this medical stress, I also have an abundance of other stressors. I just realized that the lease I signed for my current apartment meant it was not rent stabilized after all and rent could go up to as high as $900 more per month than I’m currently paying in a year’s time. Talk about my inability to read the fine print! What’s more, work is completely overwhelming. I have 2 lectures to write in the next week or so and other large projects, all with very short deadlines. Too much!
Tonight I’m going to an Oscar viewing party and I’m going to try to remain relaxed and enjoy myself despite the lingering worries hanging above my head. What else can I do but soldier on?